


The road we're on has only begun

by vendettadays



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Season/Series 05 Finale, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-20
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:06:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27196228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vendettadays/pseuds/vendettadays
Summary: Living was a lot harder than surviving and Catra had spent most of her life just surviving.
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 83
Collections: Fic In A Box





	The road we're on has only begun

**Author's Note:**

  * For [FictionPenned](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FictionPenned/gifts).



> Title from Sam Tsui & Casey Breves' 'This Promise'

It turned out that living was a lot different than surviving and Catra had spent most of her life just surviving. Life in the Fright Zone was all she had ever known until that night Adora had stolen a skiff and changed the course of their lives forever. She wouldn’t have known that there was more to her world than smog and dull metal and the constant hum of running engines beyond the falling, rusting perimeter that made up the place she’d used to call home.

It was a world away from how Bright Moon was. The palace and the surrounding city was a living depiction of its namesake. Bright and full of light and so very perfect that Catra found herself slinking away to find somewhere duller, less shiny, a solitary place to hide away from it all. But that was the problem with a place like Bright Moon. There weren’t many places Catra could hide. The world was a lot quieter than the Fright Zone ever was. Now with the war over, it was quieter still and the silence was loud.

Catra padded along the empty hallway, soundless on the balls of her feet as she crept in the night. The metal corridors of the Fright Zone were a dark memory compared to the palace hallways. Clean and strange and unfamiliar that Catra found herself tensing each night as she roamed the palace. Even in the darkness of night, the hallways were unusually bright, lit in dark lilacs and purple hues as moonlight filtered in through the grand arched windows that towered above her. Her ears swivelled at the tiniest of creaks echoing in the expanse of the hallway.

The taps of heels against the polished floor from passing guards on their nightly rotations.

The clicking hoots of bat-owls as they flew past the palace towards the Whispering Woods.

The barely there, but ever constant presence of magic. It electrified the air, buzzing faintly, and undetectable to Etherian ears, but not to Catra. It had a way of making the hair on the back of her neck stand. Not even in the presence of the Black Garnet had she felt magic, so tangible that she could taste it on her tongue. She had never felt it before, not until Melog had come into her life. So she went through her days with a benign prickling at the base of her skull, never malignant, but always there.

A clatter caught Catra’s attention and she froze mid-step, tail fluffing up as she turned her head slowly to look over her shoulder. Her eyes darted from the austere statues lining the walls, the shadows hidden in the corners between the arches of the ceiling, to the clear doorway she had walked through just moments ago. Nothing. Catra waited a few seconds more, muscles tensed, legs bent and thighs shaking as her body readied itself to run. There was no danger in Bright Moon, not since the war ended, but a lifetime of running and watching out for her own back wasn’t easily forgotten. Horde conditioning had made sure of that.

The air around Catra seemed to settle, deflating like a sigh of relief. With a quiet sigh of her own, Catra continued on her way and climbed the stairs of the West Tower, and to the room she had discovered by accident one night.

Even in the brightest of places there were forgotten things, dusty rooms and secret skeletons. The stairs branched off into another tower, locked behind an old metal gate that had opened easily with a lock pick. Catra pushed the gate and closed it behind her. She ran her claws against the unpolished and unplastered stone walls of the spiral staircase she walked up. The stone was unfinished and rough, imperfect compared to the rest of the palace.

At the top of the stairs was a solitary door of violet wood. In the middle was a carving of the moonstone surrounded by tree branches, painstakingly chiselled and whittled from the wood in intricate patterns. Catra placed her hand on the door and pushed. Magic thrummed under her palm before calming into a gentle hum and she felt the door give. The door swung open without resistance.

‘Thank you,’ said Catra to no one in particular as she stepped inside. The door closed with a gentle click.

She walked further into the circular room. The walls were as intricately carved as the door. Catra took a turn around the room, fingers lightly dancing over engraved panels of changing seasons made of the same violet wood, and beautifully lacquered so it shone in the moonlight. A glass dome made up the ceiling and the roof of the tower, revealing the night sky and the stars above. An observatory hidden in the shadow of the West Tower, forgotten and no longer used for its original purpose.

Miniature glass baubles hovered in the air, suspended by the magic in the room. Incandescent orange light filled the observatory until the stars above dimmed and the room brightened. In the middle of the room a shallow pool of water held centre stage with a narrow walkway to a small, round platform of soil. Planted in the centre where it could get most of the moonlight was the spindly, moon tree sapling Perfuma had gifted Catra.

Catra picked up from the floor, a pair of gardening gloves she had dropped a few nights ago and put them on. The room was empty save for a plant box she had snuck up and two potted plants, a few bags of soil, a spade and a watering can. She kneeled down by the plant box and picked up the spade, loosening the soil like Perfuma had told her. She took out a burlap pouch from her pocket, also from Perfuma, and carefully tipped out the seeds into her palm. Seeds that would grow into fruit if she cared for them properly.

Perfuma had called them tomatoes. Whatever they were, they were apparently good for salads. Catra liked apples, but an apple tree wouldn't grow well inside so Perfuma had given her tomatoes without asking for an explanation, only offering to answer any questions she had.

Catra frowned down at the soil, pausing as she tried to remember what she had been told. _Plant them evenly spaced out._ She poked holes into the soil, dropping a single seed in each dip and covered it again. She did this, repeated it over and over, counting each seed as she planted it into the soil until there was none left.

Twenty-nine seeds. Would that grow twenty-nine tomatoes? She grabbed the watering can and got to her feet to walk to the pool. The water never dried, always staying at the same water level no matter how many times Catra watered the pots of herbs or how the sun beat into the observatory during the day. She crouched down by the edge with the watering can and looked into the water.

A face with glowing green eyes and lips curled up in a cruel smirk stared back at her.

Catra launched backwards, a shriek caught in her throat as she scrambled away from the side of the pool. She hid her face in her arms, breathing hard, heart racing as the spectre of her other self lingered in her mind. The self that had longed for peace without end, for the world to finish, so her own pain could end. The puppet on a string. It didn’t matter that she had been under Prime’s control. The thoughts were as much _hers_ as they were his.

She gulped breath after breath, hackles raised and tail standing on end. After a while Catra lifted her head and opened her eyes.

Her hands shook, no longer gloved but covered with blood.

There was so much blood.

It ran in rivulets from her claws and down her fingers, pooled in her palms and trickled down her wrists.

‘Catra?’

She jerked her head up at the sound of Adora’s voice, eyes wide and pupils narrowed in fright.

Adora stood by the opened door. She was in her sleep shorts and tank; Melog by her side. Adora hesitated, biting her bottom lip, hand on the lacquered wooden door as if she wasn't sure she would be welcomed any further into the room. Melog bounded over to Catra, flattening her onto the floor with their body and rubbed their nose against her face.

'Melog!' Catra turned her head from right to left, trying to avoid Melog's raspy tongue as they tried to chase the hallucinations from her mind. She pushed her hands, gloved and covered in dirt and blessedly bloodless, into Melog's ethereal mane. An involuntary giggle bubbled from her lips when Melog’s finally caught her on the chin with their glowing blue tongue.

Melog let Catra up and sat back on their haunches, a trilling growl rumbled from their chest. _'Worried.'_

Images flashed through Catra’s mind. The door to her room. Unmade bed. A knock. Adora. Empty bed. Adora stepping into the room. _Catra?_ Wide eyes. Concern. Scared. Gone.

Catra gasped and blinked rapidly, shaking off the images that remained like the splashes of colours behind her eyelids when she closed her eyes. Her breaths rattled in her throat as she tried to steady her spinning head. Green eyes blurred with blue eyes, flashes of red mixed with grey. Her ears flattened against her head and she frowned at Melog, ‘I told you to warn me when you do that.’

 _'Not sleeping.'_ Melog laid down on their front, their tail swiping erratically. _‘Worried.’_

It always took Catra off guard when Melog shared their memories. The colours were odd and inverted, the memories warped at the edges, focusing in and out and always changing perspectives. Her hallucinations always made it worse, twisted it into a jarring experience, tainting her connection with Melog. Sometimes it was hard to tell when her hallucinations began and when a memory ended.

Catra sighed and scratched behind Melog's ear, eliciting an echoing purr as they preened against her touch. It wasn’t Melog’s fault. She gave one more scratch before she looked at Adora. The flat line to Catra’s lip transformed into a smile, growing at the sight of Adora’s eyes, soft and sleepy in the warm glow of the light as Adora walked towards her. Adora had a way of smiling with her eyes and it never failed to fill Catra with warmth and so much love that it drove the illusions from her mind. Even for a little bit.

Adora loved her.

Had chosen her.

She had stayed.

‘You weren’t in your bed,’ whispered Adora as she crouched in front of Catra. Her gaze skated from Catra’s face to the globes of light hovering above them, to the floor and the watering can, then back to Catra. Adora cleared her throat. ‘I got worried.’

Catra licked her lips and exhaled shakily at the confession. She shrugged off the gloves and reached for Adora’s hand, holding them tight in an unrelenting grip.

Adora’s hands, larger than her own, were solid and strong and so familiar to Catra. In all the years that had passed, in all their exchanges and iterations, it had always been the same. Always on the edge of truth as Adora’s hand reached for hers and her hand reached for Adora. They were two sides of the same coin.

They had held on to each other, all because Catra had finally given voice to that feeling inside her. To finally be honest. It was different now. She and Adora were different now. But it was still so new and they hadn’t had the time to define them in the aftermath of the war. Adora who looked at Catra with happiness, but also with hesitation, tentatively waiting for the other shoe to drop. Catra’s teeth bit down onto her bottom lip, struggling to find the right words when all she wanted was to be honest to Adora. She had to keep trying and be better, because Adora was with her, here and now. Adora hadn’t left. They would still be with each other, together at the end of the world.

Catra cupped Adora’s face with her right hand, watching as her blue eyes widened before relaxing into a tender gaze, eyes half-closed as she leaned into Catra’s touch. She gently caressed Adora’s cheek, feeling the softness of her skin beneath the pad of her thumb. ‘You were worried I’d left, weren’t you?’

Several words strung together. That was easy. A simple question. Not an accusation. Her voice low and steady without reproach.

Adora nodded and sat on the floor, shuffling so Catra was between her legs. ‘I had a dream and you weren’t in it.’

‘I’m right here, silly.’ Catra huffed a small laugh, lips trembling as she traced the lines of scars at Adora’s jaw. Four thin lines, dark and obvious against Adora’s pale skin. How different it could have ended. ‘I’m not going anywhere.’

Adora didn’t say anything as she searched for something in Catra’s eyes. Her hand covered Catra’s, holding on and stilling the exploring fingers on her face. ‘They’re just scars. It doesn’t hurt.’

Catra sniffed and blinked quickly, staving off the burning in her eyes. It didn’t hurt Adora now, but there were scars that weren’t formed of tissue. The ones that crept up in the night, behind closed eyelids and reared in moments of insecurity. Catra had given Adora her fair share of scars in the last few years. It weighed down on Catra as she felt the raised ridges on Adora’s skin. The back of Catra’s neck throbbed with a phantom pain that had nothing to do with magic.

‘Please don’t do that.’ Adora’s arms wrapped around her and pulled her into a tight hug. ‘I’m right here too, just talk to me, okay?’

Catra buried her face into the crook of Adora's neck, breathing in her comforting, familiar scent and seeking the warmth of her bare skin. The rapid beating of her heart calmed. Adora's hand worked its way into her hair, fingers running through the short strands and Catra's chest tightened, threatening to rumble with a purr.

She nuzzled further and pressed her mouth against Adora's skin, feeling the jump of Adora’s pulse beneath her lips. How did it end up with Adora comforting her? Adora who had woken to find Catra missing. It should be Catra’s arms around Adora, not the other way round.

After an undefinable amount of time, Adora moved back and tilted her head to see Catra’s face. ‘Hey.’

‘Hey Adora.’

Adora snorted, a smile stretched her lips and she shook her head, having heard a lifetime of that same line. She’s beautiful was the thought that passed through Catra’s mind. She hoped Adora never got tired of her saying her name like that.

‘Why are you up here?’ Adora’s eyes roved around the room.

_Be honest._

‘I can’t sleep.’

Adora looked at her sadly. ‘Why didn’t you say?’

‘It’s fine, Adora.’ Her tail wrapped around Adora’s upper arm. ‘I’m more nocturnal, apparently, it’s a Magicat thing? King Micah said.’

Catra shrugged as if it meant anything to her that she was Magicat. How was she supposed to know? She was an orphan raised in the Horde. They didn’t care what species or creed you were. Being able to fight had been all that mattered.

‘Are you even sleeping at all?’ Adora pouted, concern coloured her voice as she cradled Catra’s face, thumbs stroking the raised arches of her cheekbones.

The truth of the matter was that it was getting harder and harder for Catra to resist falling asleep at night. The fluffy bed with an unnecessary amount of pillows was too comfortable, too inviting. Her room was large and spacious and had everything she could possibly need. But she walked the hallways at night, avoiding sleep to avoid the nightmares that plagued her and the lucid dreams that froze her body, but kept her mind conscious.

‘Not really,’ admitted Catra, finally. She dreaded the nights.

The devastation on Adora’s face and unspoken words hurt so much more, because once again, it was Catra who had caused it. Catra who had thought she was doing well, changing, trying to be better at talking, and she still hurt Adora.

‘I’m sorry,’ whispered Catra. ‘I didn’t want to bother you--’

‘It’s not a bother! You’re not a bother!’ There was a deep furrow between Adora’s brows as she stared at Catra, voice loud and filled with indignant fury, not at Catra, but at the idea that she could ever be a bother. Her hands enveloped Catra’s and she pulled them to her chest. ‘I know I’ve been busy and we haven’t really had the chance to talk, but please don’t shut me out.’ Adora leaned her forehead against Catra’s in an intimately, familiar gesture that had Catra’s heart aching. ‘I meant what I said, Catra. I love you.’

Catra nodded, head bobbing against Adora’s, voice uncooperative as she tried to find the words to express just how much love she had inside her for Adora. With a shuddering breath, she closed the gap and captured Adora’s lips with her own, desperate and urgent and messy as she poured all she felt into the kiss. Her hand went to the back of Adora’s neck, pulling her closer as Catra pressed herself against Adora’s front. A gasp escaped from her throat, quickly swallowed by Adora’s mouth on hers again, caught by surprise by the strong grip on her hip. She broke away, breathless and chest heaving with every pull of air into her lungs.

‘Wow.’ Adora swayed a little, dazed and smiling, lips red and captivatingly swollen. ‘That was… Wow.’

Catra laughed lightly at Adora’s eloquence, in awe at her ability to make her feel better with the bare minimum of words.

Adora grinned and sat back. She watched the floating baubles of light dance up and out of the way of Melog’s swiping paws. ‘What is this place?’

‘I think it was an observatory, but there wasn’t anything in here when I found it.’

‘So you turned it into a garden conservatory?’

A few pots of plants, a plant box and a thin sapling did not make a garden. Catra brought her knees to her chest and hugged her arms around them. Her tail slipped from Adora’s bicep to wrap around her wrist. ‘Perfuma said gardening can help.’

‘Does it? Help, I mean.’

The question was tentative, brushed close to the ghosts that persisted from the choices Catra had made. One good thing wasn’t quite enough to atone for the wrongs in past. Adora rubbed Catra’s upper arms tenderly. Melog plopped down onto the floor behind her, curling their body around her until she was tucked into a cocoon. Safe. Adora at her front, Melog at her back.

She shrugged. 'It keeps me busy '

'Can I help?'

Catra's ear perked up. There was a hopeful expression on Adora's face, open and calm as she waited for Catra to answer. 'Why?'

Adora sighed, shoulders dropping as she looked at Catra, a little sad, but a lot patient and all Catra thought was how could she ever be good enough to deserve Adora? 'You don't have to go through this alone. Do you remember when you asked me what I wanted?'

'Yeah, of course,' replied Catra, eyes downcast. She held onto the hem of Adora's tank and teased the strip of skin between her tank and shorts, feeling the twitch of Adora's muscles beneath her fingers. How could she forget Adora’s choice to sacrifice herself. How Adora had put need above want.

Adora’s fingers gently stroked the line of Catra’s jaw to rest under her chin, tipping her head up so that all she could focus on was Adora and the determined set of her mouth, the frown on her brows tempered by the softness in her eyes. Catra could have resisted, turned her head away, but she didn’t want to.

‘I want to be with you,’ whispered Adora. ‘There’s so much that needs to be done now the war’s over, but I want to spend every moment of my time with you, even if you’re only keeping busy with gardening.’ She laughed self-consciously. ‘If you don’t think I’ll make a mess of it.’

Overwhelmed by the feeling in her chest and unable to calm the pounding of her heart, Catra pressed her face into Adora’s shoulder, the only place she could hide the furious flush of her cheeks. The heat in her body intensified as Adora ran her hand up and down her back. She grumbled in protest.

‘What was that?’

Catra shifted her head and relaxed under Adora’s touch, tail unwinding from her wrist and flicking lazily to and fro. ‘I don’t even know if I’m doing it right.’

‘Well, it looks like you are doing just fine. What are you growing?’

‘Tomatoes,’ mumbled Catra, eyelids drooping and spine curving as Adora scratched the small of her back. ‘Perfuma says they’re good…’

‘For salads, yeah, she does love her salads.’

‘I still need to water them.’

‘Okay, let me help you with that. Catra? I need to move. Catra?’

Catra jerked up at the sharp prod to her side. She glared at Adora who only bit her lip, trying hard to hold in her badly concealed grin. A wide yawn eclipsed Catra’s glare as she closed her eyes, sleepiness catching up with her tired body. Adora unwrapped herself from Catra and got up, picking the fallen watering can.

A shiver ran through Catra as Adora crouched by the edge of the pool, leaning forward to submerge the can into the still water. She stared down at her hands, but they were clean and unmarred. Melog nudged away her hands and bumped their head against her chest, chastising her with a grumbling growl in their throat. Catra rolled her eyes fondly and smoothed Melog’s ruffled mane before they disappeared from sight.

‘Come on.’ Adora held her hand out to Catra. Her tank had two damp handprints from where she had dried her hands. ‘Let’s go.’

Catra let herself be pulled to her feet and settled into Adora’s side. Her arm and tail wrapped around Adora’s waist as Adora slung her arm over her shoulder. The baubles of light dimmed as they walked out of the room together. The stone staircase really was too narrow for two people to walk down, but they made their way slowly down the steps, body angling inwards, pressing tight against each other, unwilling to break away.

The hallway of statues was quiet and as still as when Catra had walked through earlier in the night. The shadows of the ceiling less dark and intimidating, the moonlit lilacs and purples lighter as Bright Moon transitioned from night to morning. There was only a few more hours of sleep before the day started and it would be back to rebuilding Etheria. Back to everyone needing She-Ra, when Catra wanted Adora to herself. Catra drew herself closer to Adora. Another hallway and they would reach her room.

They walked right past the double doors of Catra’s room.

‘Adora, you’ve passed--’

‘Uh nuh, I haven’t passed anything.’ Adora tightened her arm on Catra’s shoulder and continued, turning left into another hallway,

Catra’s heart skipped a beat as they approached Adora’s room. Adora opened the door and pulled Catra inside. The room was just as grandly decorated as her own, filled with an excessive amount of furniture. In the centre was a bed with a thin mattress, a blanket and one pillow. The simple bed was so out of place in a room full of luxury, but for Catra, it felt like coming home.

‘Here, you can change into this.’ Adora held out a folded bundle to Catra. ‘It might be a bit big.’

Catra took the bundle from Adora and shook it out to find an oversized t-shirt. She looked down at her own clothes, her shorts were fine, but her top was speckled with soil. She went to the sink in the corner of the room and washed her face and hands. When she finished and had dried herself, she glanced behind her to where Adora was lying on the bed with her back to Catra, and pulled her top over her head and changed into the t-shirt. The hem reached past her hips as she tugged the material down.

Adora shifted onto her side to face Catra and moved her left arm under her head as she approached. Catra slid under the covers and curled her legs to her chest, careful to hug the edge of the bed, unsure of how to breach the distance between her and Adora.

With a small huff, fond and exasperated, Adora tugged Catra closer until their legs tangled together and the space between them disappeared. Catra tucked her head under Adora’s chin, fitting perfectly in the space. She placed her hand on Adora’s hip, thumb tucking into the waistband of her shorts, and curled her tail around Adora’s ankle. She felt Adora’s smile on the crown of her head, a smile of her own appeared on her lips and she released a sigh of relief. Adora’s fingers threaded through Catra’s hair, smoothing the tousled strands before she scratched behind Catra’s ears.

A soft, steady purr erupted from Catra’s chest and her eyes closed instinctively, face aflame with a hot blush that only got brighter as her purring got louder when Adora kissed her forehead.

‘Promise me one thing?’

‘Hm?’ Catra tilted her head to look at Adora.

‘Whenever you’re ready to talk, I’ll be right here,’ murmured Adora, eyes shining in the dim light. ‘So please don’t hide from me.’

Catra nodded, her smile trembled as she swallowed down the lump in her throat. ‘I promise.’

With Adora by her side, the world felt bigger and brighter and the dark less imposing. Catra didn’t need to hide. Living was a lot harder than surviving, but if living meant she could be together with Adora then Catra could learn to live, no matter how different or hard it was.


End file.
